


Mayhaps You Should Read

by moon_custafer



Category: Perry Mason (2020), Perry Mason - Fandom
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor, Meta, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25363852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moon_custafer/pseuds/moon_custafer
Summary: “Marcie’s freehearted vision of life included the fact that danger is within yourself, not without.” (Lipstick Girl, by Edna Robb Webster)Pete Strickland decides it’s time to take matters into his own hands.
Relationships: Perry Mason & Pete Strickland
Comments: 11
Kudos: 30





	Mayhaps You Should Read

Mason doesn’t expect much mercy from the world anymore, but it remains a fact that Pete Strickland, for once, is not actually reading _Lipstick Girl_ out loud. His grimace, however, suggests dissatisfaction with the serial’s latest episode, and sure enough, he throws the newspaper down on the table with a noise of disgust that draws the attention of at least three of their fellow-diners.

”Why do you keep reading that, if you’ve stopped enjoying it?” asks Mason, as though people don’t get stuck in ruts all the time; but Strickland looks up from the page:

“I want to see how it ends.”

“It’s a romance, it’s not like they’re going to serve an unhappy ending. The news stories have the public’s tragedy needs more than covered. And you know there’s never going to be a bedroom scene, or they’d be selling it under the counter instead of printing it in a newspaper.” Strickland shrugs:

“I know _that_ ; I’m all right with imagining the missing scenes. I just wanna know if Lipstick ends up with Sophisticated-Man-of-the-World Percy DuMott, or some other fellow.” Mason cocks his head at his partner:

“Why d’you even care, Pete?”

“She’s too good for Percy,” says the other man unexpectedly, continuing:“Here’s what _I_ think oughtta happen.” Taking a pencil-stub from his shirt pocket, he pulls the paper towards himself: “First, there’s a really juicy scene of her fucking Percy, no detail left out.” A nearby diner glares at their table and clears his throat. Strickland glares back but lowers his voice a little: “This is the under-the-counter, too-hot-for-public-consumption version, you understand.”

“I thought you said Percy wasn’t good enough for her?”

“Shut up,” says Strickland, raising his index finger for silence. “Wait for it. So, just as she reaches the apogee of pleasure—”

“How’d you even know the word _apogee_?”

“AS I WAS SAYING, just as she reaches the apogee... she wakes up.” Mason’s colleague spreads his hands in an expansive, aren’t-you-impressed gesture: “Eh?” he says. “Eh?” The other detective just contemplates him, brow furrowed:

“So, it was all a dream? She’s back working in the department store?” he asks at last.

“No, she’s still travelling the world with Percy Dumont.”

”Then what’s the point?”

“Well, firstly, Lipstick got to reach the apogee of pleasure and we got to read about it, but she’s still a virgin. Up till now they’ve fooled around, but she’s too smart to risk going all the way.”

“I admit, you’ve found a loophole,” sighs Mason, leaning back in his seat. Strickland grins at him:

“And, once she’s woken up and caught her breath, she thinks, ‘This is a sign.’”

“From God?” Mason scoffs.

“From her— what do the docs call it? From her subconscious. She decides it’s time Percy stopped hemming and hawing and either make her a real offer or quit stringing her along.”

“Mumsy raised no fools.”

“Ex-actly. So, she goes to have it out with him, tell him to stop beating around the bush—” Strickland must not have intended the phrase as a double-entendre, for his face creases in delight as he recognizes the prurient overtones, and chuckles: “In a manner of speaking. And Percy shows his true face, admits she was nothing but a side-piece to him, and offers to pay her ticket home to Mumsy if she’s sick of it.”

“Which is still better than those studio bastards treated us.”

“Lipstick gives him hell,” says Strickland, ignoring him. “Ends up making a big scene in the lobby, everyone staring.” He throws a sideways glance at a man still watching their conversation from his booth. “She storms off to think things over. Eventually her self-respect comes out on top and she comes back to the hotel to collect her luggage. Only to find it crawling with cops,” he adds with an almost childlike glee. “Somebody’s popped Percy, and she’s the chief suspect.” He leans back and watches Mason’s reaction with some satisfaction.

“So now it’s a dime detective novel?” says the latter, drily.

“See, that’s when her defence lawyer comes into it. He’s twice the man Percy was, and everything he wasn’t.” Strickland frowns to himself a moment, as though calculating whether that description added up. “A farmboy, become a brilliant legal mind by honest toil and study.” Across the table, Mason raises an eyebrow. Strickland’s gaze is level, defiant: ”Readers love that kind of crap.”

“Did you—” Mason pauses and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Did you just kill off the love interest half-way through the story, all so you could bring in a whole new hero?”

“This is _my_ version of the story. I do what I like.”

“Why not write your own, then?”

“Naw, I like this one. I just think Edna Robb Webster left some room for improvements.” Strickland licks the tip of the pencil, begins to scribble in the newspaper margin. “Goddamn cheap newsprint,” he mutters, and pulls out his notebook. He squints at it for a moment, and Mason knows he’s deciding if he can afford to waste pages on _Lipstick Girl: The Strickland Version_. With another muttered curse, he flips it over and begins scribbling in the back. Mason drains the dregs of his coffee-cup.

“So what’s the name of this new love-interest you’re dragging in?” Strickland scratches his jaw, thoughtfully:

“I was going to go with something like ‘Frank Farmer,’” he admits, a little sheepishly. Mason can’t help smiling:

“Frank Farmer? _Frank Farmer?_ That’s too corny for words.”

“Well I’d like to see you do better.”

“At least come up with a name that isn’t so... alliterative.”

“Frank...Carter? That’s a nice strong-sounding name. Frank Carter, son of hard-working farm folk who put himself through law school on a scholarship and a part-time job as a soda jerk.” Mason clears his throat, pulls out his own notebook and attempts to bury himself in the details of their case as Strickland twiddles the pencil between his fingers like it’s one of his nearly-ever-present cigarettes.

“Perry,” he asks, “What’s another word for ‘smooth?’”

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently “Lipstick Girl” was a real serialized novel of the time, but I haven’t been able to find enough newspaper scans to get the full details, so I’ve defaulted to Pete’s headcanon and the few story excerpts he reads out loud on the show.


End file.
